2. How to cope with loneliness while I force myself to stay single? : stressLess-life

How to cope with loneliness while I force myself to stay single?

https://ift.tt/m0fnKL3

I (22F) know that I have a lot to sort out before I can be a truly desirable and attractive partner.

My style and appearance uptake could use some refining as I haven't bought clothes in quite some time, I've gone completely bare face with minimal hair styling for much too long, and I continue to struggle with acne.

I'm in a very financially unstable place right now as I have significant debt and low income. I'm still pretty dependent on my parents for big bills.

I graduated with a degree that's not very promising and I'm stuck figuring out what I should actually do for a career.

Now, one could argue that these are all forgivable and understandable things but there is also the mental/personality aspect.

I struggle with copious amounts anxiety and low self esteem. I know I desperately need to work on my constant desire for control over everything in my life and confidence but I always eventually feel myself come crashing down after I build up a little.

Besides these issues, I also have no actual romantic/sexual experience.

I think all of this together has made it pretty clear that I would not make a very good partner right now.

I've posted about my problems before and I've had many people tell me I should not date right now and focus on bettering myself.

I have chosen to focus on doing that but it's very hard. Unfortunately, a lot of the steps I want to take take more money and time than I can afford right now. A new wardrobe, makeup, and dermatologist costs a lot of money that I simply don't have. Savings take a very long time to build. Career development takes a great deal of work and effort. I know I really need another therapist but I'm not in a stable enough living/financial situation to get one right now.

I'm still so lonely though and I still yearn for a someone I can experience life with and who can be a source of comfort, joy, and intimacy while I can be the same for them. I know that this can be found in friends to an extent but I have found that as I've gotten older, the people around me have focused more and more on getting these things from a romantic partner. It has made me feel very isolated, lonely, and unworthy.

I refuse to enter a messy and desperate relationship just cause I feel this way, though.

I want to know how I can cope with these feelings of loneliness and yearning for partnership while I work on myself. I know I can be on my own, I've gone my whole adolescence and adulthood so far with no romantic relationships. Unfortunately, the desire has become stronger with each year.

How can I best get through this time?

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