2. The Missing Piece: Why You Struggle with Self-Love and How to Fill the Gap : stressLess-life

The Missing Piece: Why You Struggle with Self-Love and How to Fill the Gap

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Several years ago, I worked with a life coach to improve my relationship. The first question she asked me in our session was "How is your relationship with yourself"? At that moment, I was unable to come up with an answer because I had never considered it before. My focus was always on others, and I never paid attention to myself. It was then that I started my self-love journey, but it wasn't easy.

My life coach gave me strategies like saying I love you in the mirror. Several times, I tried, but it never worked. I also heard similar experiences from other people. Despite all the positive self-talk and saying "I love you" to themselves, they still couldn't feel the love for themselves.

The biggest breakthrough in my self-love journey happened when I realized I had missed a really important step, which was self-acceptance. Self-love cannot be achieved without self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance means fully accepting yourself for who you are, with all your positive and negative characteristics. It's easy to accept and love our good qualities, but it's much more challenging to handle our negative qualities or weaknesses. It is also in these areas that compassion and empathy are most needed.

Self-acceptance is a result of self-understanding and self-awareness. True acceptance can't be achieved without full understanding. Confusion is one of the biggest emotional blocks that hold us back from accepting. If you struggle with self-acceptance, think of one thing about yourself you dislike or want to change most about yourself. There are probably many reasons why you feel this needs to be changed or why you find this unacceptable. However, you may not be aware of why you possess this weakness in the first place. The cause could be something that happened in your childhood or trauma you went through, or sometimes it's genetic. Once you've dug deeper and found the root cause, you'll start understanding yourself a lot more, and acceptance will follow naturally from that understanding.

Self-acceptance and self-love are not something we can force on ourselves, they occur naturally and develop over time as we gain a better understanding of ourselves. The key here is to fully understand your struggles from a variety of angles and lenses. In some cases, you may believe that you understand the situation and where it came from, but this may not be the whole story. It's like assembling puzzle pieces, and when the final jigsaw piece is found, all your confusion is gone and self-acceptance flows through you.

Perhaps you have already done a lot of internal work and just need the final pieces. My invitation for you is to invite more people to participate in your self-love journey. It is important to gain insight and perspectives from others so that you can get the full picture. Although not all of them will be useful or helpful, eventually one will give you the biggest breakthrough. Embrace new experiences and new people, as each serves as a step toward self-love.

Self-love is not something we pursue or chase after. It will come to us naturally when we’ve accomplished all the inner work and have the inner wisdom to fully accept and appreciate ourselves.

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