Header Ads

Two Things Not to Do After a Traumatic Event (Lessons from Being Robbed):stressless3

Two Things Not to Do After a Traumatic Event (Lessons from Being Robbed)

https://ift.tt/9Rlt1c0

“True emotional healing happens by feeling. The only way out is through.” ~Jessica Moore

Have you ever loved someone so much that you could no longer see who they really were? Or have you ever been young and naive to the danger that surrounds you?

I’m the first to raise my hand and say I did that! I’m a person who trusts people until they give me a reason not to.

Trust

Trust can be broken in so many ways by those you least expect it from; those you love and thought loved you. In some cases, it may not be that they don’t love you, but just that they have had a temporary moment of madness that has hindered their ability to think clearly—who knows?

But whatever the reason for their betrayal, it can cause so much pain that you feel it in every part of your body. You know the kind of pain I’m talking about, which is so intense that it feels like you’re being pricked with needles. It’s not a nice place to be.

Story Time

For me, that moment came on a quiet night in June 2009, which was the calm before the storm that shook my young life. The month before, I had just turned twenty and was looking forward to the summer holidays after finishing my first year at university.

At the time, I was with someone, and we had been together for just over a year. I had told him about certain areas of my life that I didn’t like to talk about because I didn’t think anyone would be able to understand or relate to them.

That’s how much I trusted this person, so when he asked me for my house key, I agreed, although I was hesitant to give it initially. I thought we were cool. I know, before you look at me askance, I was young and stupid. I had been living on my own for about a year and ten months at that point, after moving out of foster care.

On that horrible day, I remember my friend coming to see me during the day and leaving in the early evening. I then remember that shortly after she left, the guy I was with came into the house and stared at me for quite a while. I asked him why he was staring at me like that. He said it was nothing, I just looked different. I said yes, my hair was straight (I usually wore my hair with a natural afro).

But I could tell something was wrong, so I asked him if he was okay. He said yes and walked out. I thought it would be like any other night and just lazed around the flat.

Around 10 p.m. I was lying on my sofa playing my favorite game on the Nintendo DS (Ace Attorney) with my legs up and no trousers on. I heard the key unlock my door, but thinking it was my boyfriend, I didn’t flinch… until the door to my living room opened and I saw a boy with a bandana on his face.

I jumped up quickly to cover myself, and while one of the boys held me at knifepoint, I watched as several other boys with hoods and covered faces took my things. The last thing they took was my wallet, but one of the boys had to ask me where it was.

Due to the shock of what was happening, my brain couldn’t think, so I answered with “I don’t know,” which of course the boys didn’t like at all, as you can imagine. I ended up getting smacked in the face to jog my memory.

It Was Not Over

When they were gone, I quickly got up and ran to the door to put the chain on so they wouldn’t come back in. Lo and behold, one of them came back to get the remote control for the TV. To his surprise, of course, he couldn’t get in, and that made him angry. So he ordered me through the crack to get him the remote and threatened that he’d break down the door and kill me if I didn’t.

Can you imagine being killed over a remote control?

I got the remote and pushed it through the crack. Then he asked me for the password to my laptop, and I didn’t hesitate to tell him. Then he said, “If it’s wrong, I’ll come back.”

During this exchange, I had the police on the phone in the bathroom. When the boys had left, I checked and found that they had taken my house phone, but I still had a spare phone in the cupboard, which I used to call 999.

Just a few minutes after I finished talking to the suspect, the police knocked on my door. He had been arrested not far from my door and the police were able to recover some of my belongings (which were now evidence), including my front door key. The other boys managed to escape, but the arrested boy was later charged and convicted.

That was a tough night for me, but the toughest pill I had to swallow was the realization that those boys wouldn’t have gotten my key without my ex-boyfriend’s consent.

It seemed too premeditated because only he knew how much some of the stolen things cost.

It was the biggest betrayal I’d ever experienced. I thought hearts could only be ripped out in vampire shows until it happened to me in real life that night (at least that’s how it felt).

After the incident, I stayed with friends for the summer, which helped me cope better with the aftermath because I was out of the area for a while. But I also think it took me longer to heal because I was in denial for the first few months.

I couldn’t fully process what had happened. I was finding it hard to get my head around it, and I didn’t talk about it because I couldn’t formulate the right words to express how I felt. I also felt embarrassed that it was partly my own fault for giving him my key.

After the summer I moved to another area in time for my second year of university, and I never saw or spoke to my ex again.

A Little Encouragement

I’d like to say to all those who experience betrayal or survive traumatic crimes that the memory may never completely go away, but the healing will come with time and effort.

This means feeling, processing, and accepting your emotions, reflecting on the situation and thinking about lessons learned, and forgiving and letting go so you can continue living.

The two things I’d advise you not to do:

  1. Don’t suffer in silence.
  2. Don’t suppress your feelings and pretend nothing has happened.

I did both for many years. It was only when I started talking about what had happened and allowed myself to feel all the different emotions that came with it that my healing journey really began.

My emotions ranged from confusion, disgust, fear, shame, anger, and rage to sadness. They would be up and down on any given day. Sometimes it could be because something had triggered me, and other times just because I was thinking about what happened.

Sometimes the event replays in your mind repeatedly like a broken record. Let it, because you’ll eventually come to a place of acceptance and slowly begin to let go of the pain.

I also found it very hard to trust people after that, especially men. But I realized that the more pain I clung to, the more it prevented me from moving forward.

Not trusting meant I would keep people at arm’s length. I wouldn’t allow them to get too close to me. I appeared cold and detached and thus had very few friends and no romantic relationship for over five years. So I started to forgive.

I learned that forgiveness was more for me than for the other person, so I forgave myself first for not listening to my intuition when I was resistant to give him my key in the first place.

Forgiving my ex without ever getting an explanation or apology wasn’t easy, but it allowed me to trust again. I chose to forgive him firstly for my own inner peace and secondly because I refused to believe that he was that coldhearted; instead, I reasoned that something must have happened to trigger the incident.

Whatever you’re going through, it’ll get better, I promise. Hang in there and remember that this is just part of your story, not your whole story. If you do the work to heal and allow yourself to grow through the experience, it can only serve to make you better, not bitter.

About Rita Yvonne

Rita Yvonne is the blogger behind  thepmublog.com where she shares her struggles with others in the hope that they may be encouraged, motivated, and inspired to push through their own battles. When life is not going so well, we all need a little pick me up every now and then and assurance that we are not alone. You can also check out her thepmublog (@thepmublog) / Twitter and instagram.com/thepmublog/

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post Two Things Not to Do After a Traumatic Event (Lessons from Being Robbed) appeared first on Tiny Buddha.










Related links


I want to know the mind and emotions of a man towa. I want to understand what he is thinking and feeling at any given time. I want to know what makes him happy and what makes him sad. I want to know what he fears and what motivates him. I want to know his hopes and dreams. I want to know everything about him.


Addiction Is Messy, But These Things Help Me Stay Clean


5 Ways to Use Movement (Not Exercise) to Support Your Mental Health


My Second Mother: When Someone Steps Up Like Family Never Did


just sitting silently


How to Release the Fear That Holds You Back and Keeps You Small


What Happiness Means and How I’m Boosting My Day-to-Day Joy


why am i always in one-sided relationships


Psychological behaviour of husband with his wife who failed in love before marriage


What makes you dislike yourself?


When You’re Ready for Change: You Need to Believe in Your Future Self


4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane


What type of doctors experience the most stress?


Why is it significant to overcome stress?


How I Stopped Chasing Men Who Hurt Me and Found Healthy Love : #stressless


Stay Comfortable


I have irrational thoughts that she’s better than me


Skills That You Can Learn From (A2) Trying Harder Isn\\\'t Always The Answer:stressLess-life.


How do we know what we want in our lives?


5 Simple Yet Essential Self Care Tips That Can Change Your Life


#2 . How do I stop putting my worth based on how men see me? : stressLess-life


Self love challenge - looking for a group to join!


People-Pleasers Are Liars: 3 Things We Gain When We’re Honest Instead


How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better


One words to define love story Hater





does depression affect sperm quality


What is the difference between stress and emotions? The WHO has defined them as two different life skills and I am not able to make a difference.


What are some signs that show a lack of confidence in a person's speech or behavior?


Is it good to live hubby without love or marry to BF?


growing up as the only black member of a white family movie


separation anxiety mother symptoms


why self-love and self-care is important


I am very sad every day. I have decided not to live. What should I do?


why am i losing interest in things i used to love


never waste your feelings on someone who doesn't value your emotions meaning in hindi


I am very sad every day. I have decided not to live. What should I do?


Why is it significant to overcome stress?

Can-I-reduce-my-stress?

https://stressless-2021.blogspot.com/2022/06/reduce-my-stress.html

Getting Out Of A Slump

Me Exercising/dancing to Unbelievable by EMF. Not too great, but started doing this at 57 yrs......truly my inner child is coming out to play!:stressLess-life

Abandonment Issues



Increasing and practicing self worth and self love:stressLess-life

(A2) LIFE AND LOVE???:stressLess-life

Neon Genesis Evangelion and validating ones own existence:stressLess-life

Calmed myself down with loving energy.:stressLess-life

"Why do you forgive everyone but yourself?”:stressLess-life

How to accept belly fat?:stressLess-life



admiring myself all 2022 ??:stressLess-life



Self love feels so lonely:stressLess-life



Increasing and practicing self worth and self love:stressLess-life

(A2) LIFE AND LOVE???:stressLess-life

Neon Genesis Evangelion and validating ones own existence:stressLess-life

Calmed myself down with loving energy.:stressLess-life

"Why do you forgive everyone but yourself?”:stressLess-life

How to accept belly fat?:stressLess-life



admiring myself all 2022 ??:stressLess-life



Self love feels so lonely:stressLess-life









😄 " Forget the past; look forward to the future, for the best things are yet to come. ..... "

No comments

please ,
Don't enter span link..

Powered by Blogger.