2. this was written by me two years ago. that's when I realised I need self love. till this date whenever I feel cute, I caress myself with my palm on my face and be proud of myself : stressLess-life

this was written by me two years ago. that's when I realised I need self love. till this date whenever I feel cute, I caress myself with my palm on my face and be proud of myself

https://ift.tt/81hwCGk

Some ref about me- 20(M). I've always tried so so hard to not to hate my parents. In a relationship there are good things and bad things. It's not like we do not have happy family moments, we do. But we(me) also have some bad moments like fight between me and my mother(not physical), arguments. This is normal. I don't hate my parents, I've been past that. I only focus on those happy moments, and HUGELY ignore those bad moments. Because I don't want to end up like people with serious family issues. I just don't. I see they are in so much worse situations than mine, and I must avoid that dark part of the life. I don't know if you're understanding me or not, but that's it.

Now I'm not here to criticize my parents. I care about my parents a lot, I don't want to hate them. But I'm here to discuss what happened to me. I had an argument with my mother and I stayed quiet, just sayings some logical things, to prove that she's the one who always starts fights-I've been doing this for some few months now, to prove her I'm not the one who fights with her, rather she instead, because she always says I'm the one, and she still don't realise this- so I stayed quiet and sat on the sofa and waited for her to go for pray which would take atleast an hour I was so tensed and irritated due to some argument, I was just staring blankly at the window.

I just put my left palm on my cheek to partially tilt-cup my face and as soon as I touched me face, I didn't believe it was my hand, I looked at my hand in shock. I thought someone else was comforting me. So I touched a bit more and I loved it, as some orphan child would when being adopted, sad but feeling love. But as I just put my right palm and touched my face, I bursted into tears, as some sad person would cry when comfort by his loved one, so I touched more and more and cried a lot. When the cool part of my soft palm(my mother says I've very soft hands because I don't do any household or any work)So, when the cool part of my soft palm touched my lips, I felt so good. So I just kept touching and rubbing my palm, wiping my tears.

I know all of you would be thinking I'm a psycho guy who is feeling his own touch, eww wierd. I also thought the same about myself at that time, how in the hell what type of lonely guy I am who is comforting himself on his own touch, and I cried more after thinking this. I thought that how much lonely guy I am that I'm feeling my own touch. like how much I needed just someone to love me, to comfort me, and that being myself only, I cried another wave after thinking this thing.This has never happened to me before, I know some things like symptoms of being a psycho, but I couldn't justify myself at this.

No, I'm not any mentally ill or something guy. I'm totally normal. it's just that the friends left after school are being very hard bitches and I just don't feel like talking to them, so atm I've no friends (maybe for near future too) THIS IS THE ONLY REASON I'M LONELY. I don't know what I'm trying to say at this point, mostly just see what I've become now, and idk if that's true or even what is THAT. I know to most of you this would be sounding so much stupid, it would to me too when I'll read it sometime later.

TL;DR: I'm fuqed up

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