2. single after a collective 5 years of back to back relationships : stressLess-life

single after a collective 5 years of back to back relationships

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hi there! im (20F) and i am fed up with myself. the past 5 years, starting at 15 i starting going into semi long term relationships. back to fkn back. i just got out of my 3rd one, and with this one i feel so fed up. i need to stay single. this most recent (&shortest) relationship has me in shambles. it lasted for 6 months and i got into it after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. when i broke up with my boyfriend, i told myself i need to stay single because i need to stop relying on men for my happiness and i just need to find myself.

i use men in a sense to fill voids in my life (it stems from personal trauma and my attachment style is horrid). a man should only be an addition, he shouldn’t be my main source of happiness or the only thing that makes me feel complete and content.

i notice when i work i get distracted by the thought that, after work when i get off after a long day - i won’t have my boyfriend there to lean on. i want to feel content with myself, i shouldn’t need another person for that. im fed up that i feel so lonesome when i have myself and a few great supportive friends.

i also struggle with my confidence. i am very hard on myself but i try not vocalize it out of respect for others around me. when you badmouth yourself it sticks to people around you - it’s not good vibes. so i never really get to speak about the things i’m insecure about. i fake it till i make it always. im an active and attractive woman, with a very successful career at just 20. but i find myself very unhappy with myself. that is also another reason i keep men around. i believe i feed off of male validation as much as i know that is bottom of the barrel behavior.

so i guess with all this - how do i stay content and happy with just myself? this is a question aimed for people with a similar behavior pattern of dating back to back- what did you do to stay content and how did you find self love in this time of being single? literally any tips or advice would be great. i know i can just google but i do like discussing with people it helps, a lot :)

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