2. Am I doing it wrong? : stressLess-life
Am I doing it wrong?
https://ift.tt/IwBWjEUHow and where do I start?
First off, this is my first time posting on Reddit and I’m hoping I’m in the right place, also I am on my phone and I may have some errors but I just need a place to I don’t know… vent.
For some background about a year and a half go I got out of a mutually toxic/abusive relationship. Almost had a kid with the guy & yes I gave up the the kid(Im begging don’t beat me up about my decision Im doing that enough) but that’s what he wanted & I thought giving him what he wanted would’ve helped him changed but he didn’t & I’m fully aware at least now that even if I kept my kid he wasn’t going change.
Anywho… on to what I’m experiencing now. & sorry ahead of time for the long post.
Im 28 I have a decent career now nothing amazing & honestly nothing that really makes me happy but it pays the bills. I’ve been on this whole “self healing” journey. I immediately started therapy once my health insurance went through upon me finding my current job. I’ve been going faithfully since the break up. I’ve been spending more time with my family, I’m learning foods I like and don’t like, journaling, solo traveling, taking myself out on dates, going to the gym, picking up new hobbies like skating…
Yet… there is this part of me that is still unhappy & lonely.
I noticed that now it’s hard for me to be has outgoing as I use to be… & to be honest I use to be the life of the party. But now I’m way more reserve. I don’t speak my mind as much as I use to. I don’t like interacting with people & im usually a super friendly person.
I’m even to the point that I don’t even know if I want kids at all, let alone marriage. Even when I try to date it just seems as though Im just not fit to be in a relationship with the guys I meet. I’ve tried dating guys who aren’t my type, who are into things Im not & so on and still haven’t Made a connection…
Im starting to wonder, am I not doing this self love thing right or is there something wrong with me? Why is it that I’m doing all these practices to gain more confidence & love myself more why do I still feel disconnected from myself? This makes me sad because It’s like I know I’m doing the work but it just seems like I’m still not doing enough. Any advice?
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